Pour Toi

There she was. Trying to search among all the people walking towards her. I had just gotten off the TGV along with all the other 500 people, in Gare de Lyon. As I walked towards her I felt my heart beat faster. As I approached her she saw me and her face lit up. The world around me suddenly became still ! It was as though everything was happening in slow motion.

There she was. Wrapped in a purple jacket like a present waiting to be opened. Her face, as beautiful as ever, was radiating like the moon. Those eyes. Those beautiful eyes sparkled like stars on a cloudless night. And the lips. Oh my god. Like ripe cherries ready to be plucked.

I put down my bag, held her by the waist and we hugged. Like never before! I could smell her and it felt as though I was in a huge bergamot garden sprinkled here and there with a touch of jasmine and lily and to top it off with a bit of vanilla. AHH! That feeling at that moment, it makes you think like you are the King of the world. And yes, with her, I AM the King of the world.

She looked up at me and said 'Thanks for coming'. My only words 'Pour toi ma cherie' - for you my dear.

Pour toi.

Pearl

She said "Hey .. I'm getting engaged". For that anybody would respond saying "Congrats !" ..or "thats awesome !" ..... but ... this stupid idiot... a jackass... or me, said "what? ... again ? " !!

Her reply was.. "not everyone can make it in one go" . She had suffered one broken engagement and was now stepping into a new chapter in life. I, knowing that, just made the person feel uncomfortable to even think what a worthless piece of irrecyclable junk I was.

Its just like a huge dent on your new car. You know, that thing will never be the same again no matter how you repair it and how you paint it.

Why did I do that ? Why does it always happen to me ?

There is a saying which goes .. " A pearl once broken is gone .. and likewise a word once said is gone" . What I've said cannot be unsaid no matter what I do .. or what I say. I have no words to describe how guilty I feel and how much I hate myself now. This is just a tiny attempt to say I am truly sorry for what I said.

You are a real pearl.. a dew drop... always shining and always beautiful. I wish you all the very best and hope there is lots of joy and heavenly feeling in your life. Good luck.

Fever

I take out my phone and check for messages. none.

I check my mail . nothing.

No hope.

I check my Facebook. Dunno whats wrong with people nowadays ... all they want is to milk a cow and raise a farm ! Can't you just go to the store and get milk and cereals ! get a life. One dude sends me an invite. "Hey, come join Farmville and become my neighbour. " No thank you ! you stink !

Status updates! another story. Just like spam. Used by many. and some just can't shut up. They are like Let-me-tell-you-what-i-do-every-second . Starting with "I'm waking up" .. "I'm having wheat for breakfast", "I'm stuck in traffic", "It's raining now", you're kidding !! wonderful !! . Just because we all are your friends on facebook  we don't have to know that you are taking a piss.

Still no msgs. Gmail refreshes by itself. But still i refresh again. Nope, nothing. I feel sad. Why is this happening.

can't concentrate on work. Restless. Dream. dream. dream.

Lunch time. Not hungry. collegues hog my share too. why is everyone else looking so happy? Or is it that I'm the only one feeling this way.

Again. start dreaming.

Time to go home. I keep checking my mail. Still nothing. No calls either. Nothing. even till I hit the sack at the end of the day.

I feel like I'm all alone. I read the mails again and again. read everything sent to me. again and again. I dream about it all the time. I dream about her all the time.

Not a day goes by without this routine. I've lost 2 kilos already. Its like a fever.

I want to call her and tell her about this fever. but there is a fear which haunts my every step.

I close my eyes and let the fever take over. I dream again. and again.

Spring

6:00am
Riiinggg !!!
me: Wha !! .. oh alarm .... (snooze .. for half an hour)
zzzzz

6:30am
Riiinggg!!!
me: Wha !! .. oh alarm ... (snooze.... for 15 mins)
zzzzzz

6:45am
Riiinngg!!!
.....
Riiiiiinnngggg!!!
.....
Riiiiiinnnnnnggggg!!!
.....
alarm: wake up you a*....huh ... where am i ?

(under the pillow... ha ha ha .... hoh .. 6:48... i'll be late...)

Well... Im back from hibernation and i'm back to writing. :) Time to await my new posts.

So long folks!
Aks